Tokyo Trains Tackle Groping Problem

 

In response to increasing complaints about women being groped on crowded trains in Tokyo, transit authorities have rescinded their decision to create women-only carriages and have decided instead to rename their metro system, ‘The Governator.” Men caught groping women will immediately be considered for public office.Toshi Yokahashi replied: ‘I think it’s the right decision. We work hard. Sometimes 18 hours a day in order to fulfill the Japanese dream of acquiring the latest technological gadgets and being able to afford a vacation in America where we can play golf. Who has time for foreplay? And do you know how expensive these sex houses can be? Like a week in Colorado, that’s what.”

16-year-old Yoko Mishima stated: ‘I think it’s disgusting. It’s bad enough we have to wear these stupid uniforms, but to make matters worse, these stupid horny men think it’s sexy. They think they can get away with anything! Well, they’ll have to think twice if they come near me cause they’re gonna get the jolt of their life. I'm tired of this submissive bullshit. Who's with me, sisters?’

In related news, Sony has turned to the production of tiny cellular phones that not only act as phones but also have the ability to take pictures, see through garments, prepare Sushi, and deliver a huge volt of electricity that can make a cow stutter. ‘No subway riding woman should be without it,’ a Sony spokesman said.

The new governor of California could not be reached for comment. He’s too busy checking the measurements of his prospective staff and ordering up vintage Nazi wear.

Mrs. Schwarzenegger did reply, however, saying: ‘Oh hell. I’m a Kennedy. Aint it always been this way?”